14 Valentine’s Drinks for Single Schmucks

14 Valentine's Drinks for Single Schmucks

Love stinks. As such, I will be spending the day of love dressed like a hobo, cuddling with my cats, and possibly shit-faced. For all the rest of you single people, I have something better than love – alcohol. It warms you up, never leaves you, and doesn’t talk back. 

Pomegranate-Pear Champagne Punch – it’s pink, has four ingredients, and two of them are booze.

The Classic Cosmopolitan – The classic pink drink that you’ll probably still remember how to make when you can’t see straight.

Chocolate Martini – Another classic but with extra comfort in the form of chocolate.

White Chocolate Martini – New twist on the classic. Will also look great with those flowers you bought for yourself.

Rosewater & Rosemary Winter Champagne Cocktail – This is the fancy way to go if you’re entertaining other singles. Meaning this is what you drink when they’re around before you switch to shots.

Chocolate Guinness Float – This unassuming milkshake will fool your neighbors all the way to recycling day.

Mint Julep – If you have to work the day after passing out face down in a mint julep, it almost smells like you just brushed your teeth.

Unicorn Tears – Okay, it’s called Unicorn Tears which is going to be HILARIOUS when you’re drunk and something likely to get said on repeat throughout the night.

Alcoholic Purple Passion – It has alcoholic in the name which lets you know you’re on the right track. Also, purple. Just purple.

Absinthe Frappe – The happiest name for something that sounds like it could kill you.

Grapefruit-Mint Bellini – It’s orange juice, Grandma. I have to keep up my figure if I want to find the man of my dreams.

Coconut Creamsicle Margarita – You didn’t know you needed this did you? Salty and sweet and just right for being forever alone.

Vootbeer – Vodka and rootbeer. Get it? Memorize it so you can tell EVERYONE you meet.

DIY Sangria – It’s mostly fruit, so it’s still considered health food.


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